Dear God.

So I have a few questions for you this evening.
1. Why do things always fall apart on me?
2. Why can't I ever find actual, pure happiness?
3. And why does everyone push me onto you?

I mean, sure, Ive thought about trying this whole religion concept out. But, frankly, I don't think it's for me. I used to not mind going at the ass crack of dawn on Sunday mornings. It isn't like anyone does anything at 8 o'clock Sunday mornings anyway. Now? I don't know. Everything about myself that I have come to learn says i will never be able to accept God into my life like other people can. It's not anything I've thought about. Who knows? Definitely not me.

And as for the other two things I wanted to share with you, I'm not sure how to describe it. I have this internal and constant suffocated feeling. Like nothing I do can ever actually please myself. There is an internal battle. You know that saying " I am my own worst enemy?" that's kind of feeling I have on a daily basis. Oh what I would do to rid myself of this, you cannot even begin to fathom.

I think that's it for now. It's time to read and get to bed early since there is church in the morning.

- Whitney.